Hiya all. Im the thief.

I'm not really new here cause Ive been a member for awhile (you dudes is funny) but I aint never really posted much cause Im not much one for writin. Or thinkin about writin. Or typin. But my favorite bass fishin site is off-the-monkey so I thought Id introduce myself while I was waitin for it to come back up and stuff.

My real name is Percival. Percival Calhoun Johnson. The third. Why the hell my family keeps namin us boys Percival beats the fool outta me. Say la vee. Jesus likes Percivals i reckon. Anyways, Im from north carolina which is just north of south carolina which is a sandy flat ugly ass state. Been livin here all my life.

My daddy was a truck driver and part time CIA man (as he likes to tell when the Bud is in his blood so to speak), who liked to eat ribs, gig frogs, watch bowlin and occasionally slap my momma around. Sometimes when he'd get good and liquored, him and my uncle Pete would take shits off the bridge over I-85. Damn funny stuff. One time they accidentally pooed on a Peterbuilt!!! Thems the Cadillacs of big rigs!!! My pa cried til morning time!! Damn shame. I think that was the same night uncle pete fell off the bridge and landed in a mazda miata. Cracked his cocksux or wahtever that bone is. I aint heard from my daddy in awhile. He wrote me a letter a few years ago sayin he was caught sneakin into the CCCP and was locked up in a KGB stronghold. It was addressed from the davidson county jail though. Them russkies is clever!!

My momma loves Jesus. Sure does. She used to go to different churches when I was a boy and tell em she had lupo or cancer or jawndis or nimfomania or whatever and ask that they heal her. The preacher would touch her and she'd jump around and stuff. I asked her once why she did that and she just said that she wanted Jesus to touch her. Then we went to the waffle house. She would jump around everytime she got some waffles too. Makes me wonder if Jesus got somethin to do with waffle house. Go figure.

Anyway shes livin down in tampa with a guy named linda. I met that dude once and he was all done up in a dress and high-damn-heels and had on panty hoses!!! I was like hey man how you doin but inside I was like how you gonna wear panty hoses when its a 100 degrees. And shave them legs! But I didnt say it of course. He had arms big as tank axles. Probably beat the onions outta me!!!

Anyway I live with my granny now. Shes like 200 years old and blind as a bat. She likes to rip pages outta the bible and paste em to the wall with her spit. its pretty gross but it keeps her outta the neighbors garden. Shes always stealin their damn cabbages!!
She keeps all her money in a jar near her bed so when I need a few bucks I just sneak in there and get some. Sometimes she'll hear me me but she caint see shit and she'll be like Whos there!!! and Ill just be like Meow meow or Moooooo and she thinks im a damn critter and fall back asleep! Once or twice that aint worked so I just hit her on the head with this big ass bible shes got. That works too.

So thats me. Here I am. I hope you guys will take to me. I like fishin and boobies and cars and snakes and rocknfuckinroll.

swizzle s tick said:

If you put a space between your user name and the beginning of the periods and the end of the periods and your shipping status, it'll make things even and easier to read.

Like so:

username [space]....[space] Country and Shipping