SAD

heart breaking. fuck 

Like that one movie, Face-Off?!

(What too soon?) 

i bet, after the show, oprah sucked on that tissue after she dabbed her face. 

I wondered whatever happened to that lady. Glad she told the tabloids to fuck themselves. Seems like a cool person. 

Chimps are strong! I can only imagine what it was like when neanderthals fought back in the day. She lost both hands and her fucking FACE. Holy shit. 

i've looked through the entire encyclopedia dramatica article "offended"
NOTHING will ever disturb me again.

/go look, I dare you 

airdrummer said:

heart breaking face ripping. fuck

 

*fap fap fap fap fap fap* 

easy mid get said:

Chimps are strong! I can only imagine what it was like when neanderthals fought back in the day. She lost both hands and her fucking FACE. Holy shit.

And equally scary, she knew that chimp. The theory is that after a haircut and driving up in a different car, and approaching the chimp with a stuffed animal in front of her, the chimp failed to identify her. With her mentally tagged as an outsider approaching as someone familiar rather than standing way back and waiting for an introduction, the chimp responded as it would to an intruder.

In short, it was probably a mistake.

And the owner said she took a knife and stabbed it, and it gave her a look like "why'd you do that, mom? why?" while dying. 

Here's how it plays out.

When threatened:
A chimp will first go for your hands and arms and feet. This prevents the first threat to attacking the chimp.
The animal will them go for your face, focusing on your mouth and jaw, preventing you from biting the chimp.
Then, they go for the genital. I forgot why they do this, but they do, and for a male, it means ripping or biting the penis and testicles off.

Fucked up...nature is a bitch 

They should giver her Lego hands and a Lego face. 

Chimp? No, no. I believe they meant Cenobite. 

The worst thing about primates is they generally attempt to destroy your reproductive system. That is, they rip your fucking nuts off with their bare hands. 

TimRed said:

Here's how it plays out.

When threatened:
A chimp will first go for your hands and arms and feet. This prevents the first threat to attacking the chimp.
The animal will them go for your face, focusing on your mouth and jaw, preventing you from biting the chimp.
Then, they go for the genital. I forgot why they do this, but they do, and for a male, it means ripping or biting the penis and testicles off.

Fucked up...nature is a bitch

Aww, you beat me to it.

The general consensus is that they do it to prevent proliferation of rival offspring. 

Hand and Face plastic surgery for the real reasons it was intended... 

I'd imagine some of you might find this interesting:

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2/can-a-90-lb-chimp-clobber-a-full-grow n-man

In tests at the Bronx Zoo in 1924, a dynamometer — a scale that measures the mechanical force of a pull on a spring — was erected in the monkey house. A 165-pound male chimpanzee named "Boma" registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand (although he did have his feet braced against the wall, being somewhat hip, in his simian way, to the principles of leverage). A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds. Even more frightening, a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds.

Large muscles + short bones = extremely powerful. 

Chimps are tremendously strong. But, its not just that their muscles are stronger than humans. Our masses arent that different but we have much more fine motor control than chimps. Since we have tons more motor neurons, we engage smaller numbers of muscles doing focused tasks. Chimps have more of a on or off switch when using a muscle so its powerful, but doesnt allow for a lot of range.

Its also what makes us have more staminia over long periods than a lot of animals. We can go long distances, but we dont have the hulk gene.

Ive wondered though, how these things would turn out if the chimp was muzzled or something during an attack so it couldnt use its teeth. Would it be nearly as bad or not even close? 

^ I think you would still wind up losing your jaw in a fight with a muzzled Chimp. 

Check out these chimps with no hair... Gives a good view at their muscle structure and size.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/55/120620548_dad2ba4868.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3202/3024567966_4ffe563ebd.jpg

I wonder how their muscles attach to their bones as far as leverage goes? 

Would this magician guy do his tricks after watching the video? 

I really don't feel all that sorry for her. She's an idiot for giving a chimp Xanax and should have been charged with cruelty to animals.
Unless I'm wrong about who gave it to the chimp, was it the other chick? If so I take it back. 

She's an idiot for giving a chimp Xanax

People who use pharmaceuticals on animals deserve to have their faces ripped off!!111!!

Um no. We don't even do that to people charged with manslaughter. 

Yea, all those cute chimps you see in movies and that? Those are babies. You don't wanna mess with an adult chimp. 

This makes me truly respect our distant cousins... Being so strong, effective and brutal, while looking relatively harmless. 

FlamingGuts said:

I really don't feel all that sorry for her. She's an idiot for giving a chimp Xanax and should have been charged with cruelty to animals.
Unless I'm wrong about who gave it to the chimp, was it the other chick? If so I take it back.

You're completely wrong. The victim was a neighbor of the chimp's owners. The victim had absolutely nothing to do with the care and upkeep of Travis. The chimp and Charla Nash did know each other, and there are several photos on the internet of them hugging each other, which is even more tragic.

What made him snap? Though chimpanzee's cognitive processes are not as advanced as ours, their psychology is still very complex. There was a reason for his behavior, even if it was only a chimp reason.

I was only aware of the attack at the time because of the unfortunate political cartoon that came out of it. 

he victim had absolutely nothing to do with the care and upkeep of Travis.

What does Stile have to do with this, other than the fact that he's ghey 

i hate monkeys 

I love the way the commercial before the video is all about punching someone's face off.

Irony? 

Chimps are absolutely blood-drunk crazy. They should not be used as pets for any reasons (bonobos - their cousins - are much nicer and friendlier).

Chimps should just be fucking exterminated. They don't have a shred of humanity. They're fucking Klingons, and they're just waiting for the right time to rip off ALL of our faces. And genitals. And then they will take our genitals in one hand and our faces in the other hand, and fuck our faces with our genitals.

What was that, Nurse? I need my pills? Oh, alright... 

these are creatures which enjoy cannibalizing their own young for sport. you don't keep them as pets, i don't care how cute they are as babies. eventually they grow up and become powerful little monsters. 

Watched it when it was on. I could barely stand to look at her. Didn't realize it took her hands off as well. :( 

http://i472.photobucket.com/albums/rr88/JackBauerCTUfazed/monkey.jpg 

StolenFlipFlops said:

Check out these chimps with no hair... Gives a good view at their muscle structure and size.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/55/120620548_dad2ba4868.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3202/3024567966_4ffe563ebd.jpg

I wonder how their muscles attach to their bones as far as leverage goes?

jesus christ those chimps are ripped.
i feel bad that this lady got hurt... but why on earth would anyone keep a pet that could kill you so easily???? 

Because the pet could also easily kill someone else.
If it kills you, you'll feel stupid for a few seconds before you die.
If it kills someone else, you'll feel like a badass and you can take stuff from your neighbors.
Risk-benefit assessment. 

Most expensive haircut EVER. 

Those bald chimps look like Harvey Keitel in "The Piano." 

polishhottie69 said:

i've looked through the entire encyclopedia dramatica article "offended"
NOTHING will ever disturb me again.

/go look, I dare you

Lol... okay. Let's see how far I can get. I went through the first six images -- I got to the cartoon one and kind of had a "Wtf?" moment since the previous image was some woman apparently destroyed by a cross. Let's keep going!

Sweet mother of god. What the fuck. Apparently there's a "game" of sorts to make it through the page. We've got some hot chick with a saw (she looks insane though). Obviously from the 70s or 80s. There's a whole lot of dead people. A few surgery pictures.

Oh look, it's tubgirl... you know, the original picture of her was much larger. You never forget seeing that load slowly on a modem back in the 90s.

What in the fuck, now this is just getting weird. I'm half way through. These people really fucking hate cats apparently.

What the fuck... okay, it was really just more of the same. Lots of feces. Lots of things stuck up things that shouldn't be there. Lots of open things. Lots of destroyed things... dead things... animals crushed under chairs. Shit like that.

And George Bush. And a twirling dick above him. Wtf... and lots and lots of anime/cartoon shit. 

Chimpanzees are strong because they do deep-kneed rock squats all day, every day.

We sit and blog.

Never fuck with a chimp unless you intend to tweet about it later. 

I feel like I need to clear my cache after seeing all of that. 

PinksBlackJack said:

Never fuck with a chimp unless you intend to tweet about it later.

The last time someone fucked a chimp, we got teh Aids. :( 

PinksBlackJack said:

Chimpanzees are strong because they do deep-kneed rock squats all day, every day.

We sit and blog.

Never fuck with a chimp unless you intend to tweet about it later.

Deep-kneed rock squats. I lol'd. 

It had been violent with her before. She went back at her own peril. End of story.

Wild animals are not pets. If my friend had a pet tiger that he let roam free at his house, you could be damn sure I wouldn't visit him at home, no matter how cute he was. 

(The tiger, not the friend) 

I can't imagine, not only the physical hurdles this woman now faces, but the deep emotional and psychological scars an event like this would create.

That's a courageous individual under the scar tissue. 

The shitty thing is it wasn't even remotely part of this woman's job to deal with the chimpanzee. She is seeking $50 million in damages, yet the owner of the chimp (also her employer) is trying to argue that since she was at work when it happened, she should only be entitled to workman's compensation payouts.

$50 million is pocket change for what this woman has gone through. The owner should accept a similar fate. It is supposedly known that this same chimp attacked someone in 1996, resulting in animal control recommending she submit the chimp to an animal sanctuary.

The owner should be punished in some criminal capacity, IMO.

And you shouldn't be able to keep animals like this as pets. Lions, tigers, bears (oh my?), chimps, alligators, etc. Should not be kept as pets within city limits. 

Captain Spod said:

I love the way the commercial before the video is all about punching someone's face off.

Irony?

Coincidence. Irony requires the actuality be incongruous with the expectation. 

speed006 said:

I can't imagine, not only the physical hurdles this woman now faces

how insensitive 

Well, the thing is this is leading to an almost certain ban on all PRIMATES kept as pets.

Chimps and orangutans are scary powerful. But squirrel and capuchin monkeys are little guys that certainly have less damage potential than a lot of dogs.

There is some concern because lots of primates carry Simian Foamy Virus, which can be transmitted to humans and often is, but doesn't seem to do anything in people. Still, there's a concern over transgenic diseases arising from ANY close contact with humans. There are different strains of HIV that actually transferred from different primates, proving that it wasn't due to a single fluke that a monkey created a new disease which could be transferred to people. 

NO... MORE... MONKEY... BUSINESS!

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/061025/15381__12_monkeys_l.jpg 

annihilist said:

these are creatures which enjoy cannibalizing their own young for sport. you don't keep them as pets, i don't care how cute they are as babies. eventually they grow up and become powerful little monsters.

Not for 'sport', bro. Infanticide in non-human primates has firmly established roots as an adaptive behavior. Read this lady's books for mad knowledge, yo!
/SCIENCE

In regards to another earlier post - I hope incidents like this will lead to a ban on primate ownership by private citizens - as effectively zero people are adequately equipped to have even small frugivorous primates as "pets".